One of the things I committed to doing in my work with Karen was to choose one love language and apply it daily to my husband. I quickly struggled with this as I didn't feel or see any changes and my husband didn't even seem to notice. The anger and resentment that had resided in me for so long that I tried to push down started to peek through. I continued on with gritted teeth and was held accountable for my actions by Karen and the sisterhood - as well as my own sense of "rightness".
One night, it all came crashing down. A huge blowout argument ensued with my husband that resulted in me feeling broken, alone and lost. I was tempted to shut down and walk out - feelings of hopelessness were running strong. Until I reached out to the Sisterhood as I lay crying alone in my bed. Encouraged to do the work and challenged to sit in the pain - in the fire - I went through the process of positive focus and doing "the work" several times until it rang true and I no longer felt broken. No solutions were figured out, no problems were solved - no magic wand was waved that fixed everything.
But everything shifted. Everything changed. I continued to do the work and the daily acts of a love language without gritted teeth. I started to learn more about myself and the pieces I was contributing to the discord on a much deeper level. My building blocks of anger were decimated, a deep rooted belief that things had to be MY way (which I wasn't consciously aware of beforehand) came to the surface and was released.I started to share my truth - in LOVE, not anger - of what I needed and wanted with and from my husband. Slowly, when we disagreed on things, I noticed I no longer felt angry, defensive or personally attacked. I started to respect our differences. The biggest shift I noticed 60 days into working with Karen ... I texted my husband I was feeling disconnected and he texted back he noticed this as well (WHAT?! Who is this man who affirms and acknowledges emotional "stuff"?!?!) and THEN he took initiative (one of the things I communicated that I desired) by asking if we could talk about what I needed and what we could do to feel more connected during the busy times. THAT, my sisters, is partnership and connection to me. That is feeling seen and heard and understood.
There is a deeper level of hope than ever before - a confidence that comes with trusting the process and doing the work - diligently and consistently. And there is gratitude for Karen and the sisterhood who continue to play part as they encourage, support and uphold me as I walk through fire. My life will never be the same - my marriage will never be the same - and the ripple effect on my children's lives and all the people we come in contact with from here on out is endless.